In 1984, when I was 15 years old, I settled down for the evening on my very comfortable waterbed. (This is an important detail much later in the story.) My dog, Fi-Fi, a labberman, (or Doberman/lab mix), was curled up next to me. I quickly fell asleep and had a very strange dream. In my dream, my room looked exactly as it did in real life, right down to the wallpaper. I was even laying in my bed with Fi-Fi next to me in the same spot. Suddenly, my door opened and a tall man dressed in coat and tails walked in, accompanied by a small impish man.  My first impression was that the tall man was the devil himself, he exuded an almost tangible malevolence. He opened his mouth and began to speak. But as soon as he finished what he was saying, I couldn't remember for the life of me what it was! But somehow I just KNEW it was very important. He spoke for a minute or so, not very long, when I suddenly woke up. I was terrified to find that I could not move. I could breathe and move my eyes, but besides that, I was totally paralyzed. Immediately Fi-Fi got up off the bed and started barking in my direction. This was a frantic bark, teeth bared, hackles raised. And not only was I paralyzed, but I distinctly felt a thumb and forefinger holding own my neck, and an entire hand holding me down below my right breast. This seemed unnecessary, as I couldn't move anyway, but at this point nothing was making much sense. On top of all
this, I had the undeniable sensation of being watched by something just out of my field of vision, and I felt that this 'watcher' was very evil indeed. Eventually, about 40-60 seconds into my paralysis, my movement began to come slowly back to me, finally returning to normal. Fi Fi began to settle down and the feeling of a presence disappeared completely.

This is a classic 'old hag' experience, more scientifically referred to now as Hallucinatory Sleep Paralysis. If it had ended here I would have wrote it off as just one of the stranger things in life that happen to some of us every once in a great while. But it didn't end there. In fact, it just got weirder. From here on in I will describe in summary the more memorable events related to this story.

This was just the beginning of a 15 years and counting dilemma. So much, in fact, that I developed my own sort of personal alarm. Before I would go to bed at night or even lay down for a nap during the day, I would get a feeling of 'presence', that I was not alone. And sure enough, I would later have an episode of SP. However, I didn't always know when it was going to happen. And they occurred so sporadically and without any kind of regular pattern. I thought I was the only one in the world this was happening to.

Since it happened so often the first few years, I would try to play with it and see what would happen. A typical attack went like this. Somewhere between sleeping and wakefulness I would get a strong sense of panic and knew what was about to happen. I would try to move as much as possible to keep the SP at bay, but that has never worked for me, at least not in the sense that it has prevented an attack from happening. The paralysis would then envelop me and I was helpless. BUT, there is a base instinct that makes you 'fight' this thing off. You cannot just lay there. It is hard to explain, but you MUST fight.  So with every ounce of my being I would 'will' myself to move, to not be this things victim. You must remember, I thought I was under attack by some kind of entity, and a very evil one at that. (I'm not convinced completely otherwise to this day). So fight I would. But then, after my movement would come back to me, I would wonder what this thing wanted. I wondered what would happen if I DIDN'T fight it. But whenever SP occurs, it's like your sub-conscious takes over and  you cannot just lay there, at least I couldn't. Here are some of the different things that I tried: A couple times I would say the Lord's Prayer, and I got the feeling this thing just laughed at me and got even stronger. I would 'command in the name of God it go back where it came from', and once it worked, but usually not. I would ask, in my mind, what it was it wanted, and why me. I never did get a response, at least not in words, but I got different feelings from what I thought was my attacker. Unlike most reported cases, it didn't matter if I was laying on my back in the supine position or not. At the time I didn't know a thing about SP, but it wouldn't have mattered anyway, because it happened in EVERY sleeping position I assumed. Also, a lot of people report hearing a buzzing or ringing noise, I have NEVER heard either.

One attack I remember very clearly. It started out like the usual episode, but as soon as I was paralyzed I got the very strong feeling of my soul being sucked out of my body through my feet. Maybe this would have lead to an OBE, but I don't think so. I got the distinct impression that if I 'let go' of my soul, or spirit, I would instantly die. Until you have your soul sucked out of your body through your feet, it's really hard to accurately describe the feeling. But there is a way, and I held on for dear life, literally! (Or so I thought.) But it was too strong, and I knew I was losing my grip, so I actually made my peace with God and myself and 'let go', fully expecting to die. Instead, I immediately gained back my movement.   

The attacks continued with a frustrating irregularity. Right when I'd least expect it, there I was having another one. One particular incident sticks out in my mind and I'd like to mention it here. It involves my first serious boyfriend, Clay, who is still a good friend after all these years. Clay and I started dating right before I turned 17, about 2 years after the attacks began. About 6 months into our relationship I noticed we had some kind of psychic connection. I could WILL him to call me, and vice versa. But there were other instances. For example, at one point I had moved into an apartment on Coldwater Canyon. One day we had a few friends over, and Clay was deep into conversation with our neighbor, Greg. I was about to ask Clay to hand me a wine cooler out of the fridge since he was standing right next to it, but some of our friends there at the time were in AA, so out of respect I decided to wait until they had left. Without so much as a pause Clay opened the fridge and handed me a cooler! He didn't even miss a beat in the flow of their conversation! Immediately I had realized what just happened, but I still asked him "Why'd you just hand me that?". He looked at me like I was nuts and said "Because you asked me to!". "No, I didn't." I told him. Greg confirmed this, saying that I hadn't said a word.

Things like that happened a lot, and still do to this day. It's nice to have such a close bond with someone you really care about. But, I digress.

On this particular night, Clay was at his house in North Hollywood and I was spending the night at my parents house in West Hills, in my old bedroom. This is a difference of about 20 miles. I was laying on my waterbed with Fi Fi curled up next to me. I started to drift off to sleep and was in that twilight stage, halfway between sleep and being awake, when I suddenly realized 'it' was going to happen. I immediately woke up, but seconds later became paralyzed. For some reason I was more afraid than usual. I was becoming more frightened by the second, when, to my utter relief, Clay appeared. He was on top of me, holding himself up by one hand and wiping the hair off my face with the other. I felt the pressure of his body on mine, and not only that, but I could also feel the indentation his weight was making in the waterbed around the hand he was using to hold himself up with! Immediately I was no longer afraid, he whispered "It's okay, honey, I love you, it's okay,". Right away I could move. I was so relieved! I was so glad Clay was there...'but, wait a minute!' I thought! 'Clay's in North Hollywood!' and as soon as I realized he could not possibly be there in my room he started to fade away until he was gone completely. I even felt
the indentation in the waterbed lift back up. I could not believe what just happened to me, and I guarantee it was no dream! I was fully awake. 

The next day I told Clay about what had happened. He didn't have any strange dreams he could remember and certainly had no recollection of astral projection! But he WAS there, I saw him, and I felt him. So go ahead and form your own opinions, I still don't know what even I believe happened. But SOMETHING happened and it was NO dream, lucid or otherwise, that's for sure!

One time, while camping in my parent's motor home in Idaho, I had another strange experience. Like I said before, so many of my attacks are so different from the last, I never know what's going to happen next. On this particular occasion I was sleeping in one of the beds at the front of the motor home while my parents slept in the big bed at the back. I entered the twilight stage of sleep and then suddenly awoke completely paralyzed like I usually do during an attack of SP. But this time I felt like something was pushing me into the bed, and very hard no less. The pressure was so great I felt like I was being smashed. After about 20 seconds of this I distinctly heard a male voice say very soothingly, "Breathe".  During my panic I realized I had been holding my breath, so, at the suggestion, I began breathing again. Eventually movement returned without further incident.

 The winter of 91-92 was very eventful, as far as the SP goes. Things had been pretty quiet for a while, until one night when I was getting ready for bed I felt a presence. The same one I always feel before an episode of SP. I was leery of going to sleep in my room alone, and that night my housemate and good friend, Jeff Figueroa, or Fig, was working the  graveyard shift at The Bagel Factory. Our friend Bill was staying the night and I almost asked him to sleep on the floor of my room instead of the living room, but I didn't want him to think I was weird, so I didn't.

That night I had a dream I was kissing this girl I knew from work. All of a sudden I woke up and felt a heavy male body on top of me. It was male because I could feel a large erection on my thigh. This thing was pinning me down and slowly working it's way up my body. I remember thinking there was no way in hell I was going to be raped by this thing, WHATEVER it was, and I fought with all my might. I fought like never before, and eventually the weight lifted off me and I was free to move again.

I've also had moments of total stupidity. I can't explain why, but there have been times when I had gone months without so much as a peep from my 'otherworldly visitor' and I would wonder why, almost even feel curious as to why I hadn't had any episode of SP. Twice, and I REALLY hate to admit this, I even invited it back for a visit. The first time nothing happened. The second time I learned my lesson.

I was living in a big house off-campus with a bunch of friends from school. I shared a room with one other person who was not there on this particular night. I had been wondering why things had been so quiet (I should have been thankful) and went so far as to invite this thing into my house. I cannot stress enough how stupid it was to do this. I told 'it' that if it came for a visit, I wouldn't fight it. I wanted to see what it was it wanted. My thinking was maybe this thing was trying to communicate with me for some reason and my own fear was standing in the way of what might possibly be a very enlightening event. I shudder now to think how stupid I was. I got off very lucky, but not without incident.

Almost instantly I knew I was 'successful' in my invitation. And just as quickly I realized my mistake. Not only did I feel I was no longer alone in my room, but I also felt like I was being watched from outside my window. And it felt evil. And somehow different. Maybe I ended up inviting something extra into my house that night. My room was on the 2nd story and my bed had no frame and was just a mattress on the floor, right next to a window than ran all the way down to about 3 inches from the floor. So I could lay in bed and look out the window and see our side yard, complete with a creepy old tree. I felt like something was standing next to this tree staring up at my window, but I saw nothing out of the ordinary.
 

I knew SP was inevitable. To make a long story short, when I was falling asleep, since my warning system was already on alert, I could feel the SP coming before it got me completely. It's at these moments where I try to move as much as possible before the paralysis is complete. But I remembered my promise to not fight it and stupidly or not, I tried to honor that promise. I really did want to see what would happen if I didn't fight it, but I couldn't. Its like your deepest, oldest part of your soul just KNOWS this thing is evil and wont allow you to NOT fight, almost like a primal thing, at least that's the feeling I get. So I fought it.

At the same time this was happening, I felt someone stand on my mattress, my back was turned to them. For some reason I thought it was my housemate Jamie and I was so relieved he showed up at that exact moment. Since I still had some control over my body I turned my head and actually, for the first time, SAW something during SP, or at least while I was being 'attacked'. It looked like a 2 dimensional black shadow outline of an adult male. As I looked at it, I got the impression I was not supposed to be seeing it, because when it realized I saw it, it looked surprised and immediately turned to run out the CLOSED door. It just jumped into the wood of the door and disappeared. Its like we were both surprised when we saw each other, me because I thought it was my friend Jamie, and it because I wasn't supposed to see it.

I think what I saw that night are what some people call "Shadow People". The most common of these descriptions that people report seeing are almost exactly what I saw that night. A black, 2-dimensional figure that seems to somehow have mass. No features are discernable, it's almost as if someone took a black pen and completely filled out a black outline of a man. (Most reports say the shadow figure they saw was of a man, tall, usually somewhat thin, but almost always masculine.) I did not learn of shadow people until the last few years, and this happened to me in the first half of the 90's.

I spent the rest of the night suffering from multiple episodes of SP. Sometimes I'd feel it about to happen and I'd jerk myself awake, but I was so tired I'd start falling back asleep immediately. I had about 5 or 6 attack that night.